multi-masking

I’d always felt downcast about not being able to watch any of President Cory Aquino’s tributes (save for the very first one which I was able to watch live) on TV. I would either be asleep or out of the house during those program’s time slots.

The day of her burial, I was thinking that I wasn’t able to mourn her death properly. Some people might think it’s all so overrated, that I’m not part of her immediate (or even extended) family to make such a big deal out of it, but honestly speaking, it is a major issue for me. Having been somewhat conscious of her regime during my early elementary days, I didn’t realize until now that I admired her very much for being able to balance her roles as mother and President.

I remember back in fourth grade; it was election year for the Filipinos. Our class adviser did a survey on who did we want to win for the elections. All the girls in our class wrote the name of a female presidential candidate. Not because we knew her achievements well. Not because we understood her credentials. Call us crazy for thinking the way fourth graders would — that was our choice because the President that time was a female.

I was amazed at my rediscovery of President Cory’s achievements, which at that time meant nothing to a perfectly normal elementary student who was lacking in political awareness. Sure, I knew she made it to the cover of Time Magazine, but I never really understood why. To be honest, I’ve never even laid eyes on that article. Also, her title as “Mother of Democracy”, and as a friend had told me, her inspiring other Asian countries to form their own People Power Revolution was something I didn’t know before, embarrassing as it may sound. I truly fell in love with her — the kind of love that if I was a registered voter at the time of the snap elections, I would’ve gone out of my league just to give her my vote.

Yesterday was The Buzz’s sort of “last last” tribute for President Cory — after all she had been buried last Wednesday, and it might just be their way of paying their last respects, especially in behalf of Kris Aquino, which was the Former President’s youngest child. Again, this is my second time to witness this so I was not particularly prepared. All the detailed text messages I have been receiving from my LMHPH text clan on how emotional Kris was during her TV interviews did not prepare me halfway to hear the words I heard yesterday afternoon.

Kris had mentioned something about how much it hurt to see the one you love in pain, and that it hurt even more knowing you can only stand there watching and not knowing what else to do to lessen the pain. Those words definitely hit home — this I witnessed after my mother was taken back to her hospital room after her modified radical mastectomy last May. As the anesthesia wore off, she started groaning feverishly and complaining incoherently about her aching neck and back, how she was thirsty… and we were all crying inside because we couldn’t help her at that time.

I couldn’t stop crying while listening to Kris pour her heart out. I was probably caught on camera a few times, my friends were most likely amused at how much of a crybaby I was, but for the life of me, I really couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Afterwards though, I felt strangely refreshed… somehow I knew that I was able to get in touch with my emotions and pay my last respects to President Cory, in my own little way.

Farewell, President Cory… this really is goodbye. I hope you had a safe trip; I hope you had a very joyful reunion with your husband Ninoy; and I really hope that God was waiting for you with open arms upon your arrival in heaven.