multi-masking

When I start to feel that I’m not important to a person, I take the initiative to stay away.

So when someone feels that I’m quite far, it doesn’t mean that I intentionally left them. It’s because I felt that they DON’T NEED ME at all…

-edited SMS from Wendi

Remember this post? Well yeah, I never gave out the password because nobody asked .

After almost a month (maybe three weeks to be exact), here we are now. Sitting right next to each other, but acting oblivious to one another — just like perfect strangers. Well, I know I am… I’m just not too sure with what’s going on at her side of the fence… Whether she’s just waiting for me to break the ice or not, I can’t really tell.

I can’t say that I don’t miss her. I won’t, because I do. I’ve known her for more than a year, but we became especially close (at least, I’d like to think that’s what happened) when I transferred to her department January of this year. Not only did she become my seatmate, she also was my mentor. Whatever little knowledge and understanding I have now of my job description, I owe it all to her.

I don’t want you to think of her as indifferent, because to me, that word has always been in the negative context, but I’m using that word now in the most unbiased sense. She’s the type who would come to work, devastated because of a bad breakup, but once she has her hands on the keyboard, she shifts into an entirely professional employee, with nothing else in mind except for work — one of her characteristics that I really admire.

I won’t recount the details anymore, but there was a time when she showed me too much of that indifference. I want to think that she also caught me at a bad time, when I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to think the way a mature adult was. Whatever the reason, whoever was at fault, the gap between us started to take a whole lot of space.

Around Week 2 of The Gap, she popped me a message asking what my problem was. I took that as my cue to apologize. Her replies looked sincere, so I thought we were OK. But come Week 3, traces of The Gap were still evident. I knew that it would be impossible to go back to the way things were.

Once in a while, I still reach out, just to let her know that I’m still here, even if I’m not sure how to approach her or make it up to her.

A lot of times, I want to believe that she misses me, but who am I kidding, right? So I’ll just keep on being stoic.