Earlier tonight, Manie and I were looking for the perfect gift for a five-year-old girl, so we went to Pink Box at MOA. While skimming the clips on display, I notice that a bunch of them were branded “Bea” — yes, I noticed, but I wasn’t that affected.

Then Manie opted for an ID bracelet instead, so I went to the display counter to help her choose the trinkets. And there it was, all shiny and rhinestone-studded: BEATRICE. No kidding, everything was in all caps.

I was going to buy a necklace with this really cute B pendant — it had a tinge of Blair Waldorf, because it had a crown — but they ran out of B pendants. In all my years of impulsive shopping, I think this was the only time I totally regretted NOT buying something.

She would’ve been five last week or so. If she were here, I know I would be living differently. There would’ve been a lot of sacrifices made, but nevertheless, I’m sure I would be happy. We would be happy.

It pains me to think how she missed Shine’s awesome Angry Birds party. And each time I look at my Blackberry, no matter how much I love it, it still looks like it lacks something. Pictures of a smiling mother-and-daughter tandem. Pictures of a girl playfully teasing her niece. Pictures of a grandmother generously doting on her first grandchild.

It would probably feel good to come home to a cute child waiting on you with your slippers, ready to give you a sloppy kiss and the biggest bear hug imaginable. No matter how tired you are, you would still have the energy to watch her say her bedtime prayers right before sleeping peacefully. And when you wake up in the morning, you’d feel like the luckiest person in the world, because you know that God has entrusted one of His cherished angels under your care.

I really miss you, Bea.

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image credits: http://www.jscjewellery.co.uk

My Dearest Ella,

Earlier tonight, I was watching you smoke with Ric and it finally hit me: you’re leaving Branders!!! On the night of September 1st, I won’t hear your footsteps and your music between 8-9PM, and I won’t be able to see you in the mornings when I come in for work.

It feels weird, this feeling of having to say good-bye to you a second time after what, four years? And you know how much I suck at good-byes, and how I tend to lose communication after doing so.

Anyways, I don’t regret referring you to work at Branders at all. I can see how much you’ve learned over your tenure here, and how you have made valuable friendships within your Finance family, and that gives me a sense of fulfillment that somehow, I have been your indirect shepherdess of sorts. I’m only sorry that it wasn’t until recently that I had the luxury of being able to bond closely with you again and form our sisterhood with Shari.

I know you’re both excited and scared with life after Branders, but I know wherever you go, you’ll thrive because you adapt easily and even though you say you are weak, you are resilient enough to shield yourself from pain.

I know I’ve hurt you with my harsh words a few times — I hope you have forgiven me for being mean then, for not being able to trust you with your judgment when in reality, between the two of us, you’re actually the one who’s more mature. But again, you know I only said those things because I love you, right? :*

Thank you for giving me the chance to be your friend. From PeopleSupport to Branders (and all the shit in between), I have always felt your presence and you did what you could to stay in touch. You had a stoic exterior, you weren’t as expressive as I was, but you put up with me and my shallow ideosyncracies, and because of that, I know you love me as much as I love you.

Let’s show the world that not all good-byes are forever. If you need a drinking buddy, shopping buddy, eating buddy, movie buddy, et cetera, et cetera, I’m just here okay? And you still owe me a sleepover at our house.

Good luck, babe! I’ll keep my promise: I will drink lots of water, drink lots of water, drink lots of water, and I love you! :*

The next thing we knew, she was texting us that she took the MRT, boarding at the CUBAO station, of all the stations. There were other amusing stuff that I’d rather not mention, because I don’t want to paint a bad picture of our dear friend in the readers’ minds. Bottom line is, she wasn’t really used to commuting AT ALL, let alone ride a train, and from a crowded station at that.

It took her another good 20-30 minutes to get to us, and when she finally got hold of us, she had tears in her eyes and she looked harassed and even a little muddied up (this is no exaggeration, seriously). She was still obviously rattled, and she cried out: “The things I do for you guys…”

To any outsider who would hear this story, she would be just some rich little bratinella who needs to know more about life, but I instantly loved her more after that. To some other person it might be some frivolous thing that should be just tossed away but understanding where she was coming from, it was a very grand gesture on her part. (Luv you, M!)

So why did I think of sharing that here? Everytime I remember that story, I think to myself, there’s always that one person (or two, or three ) that makes you hate yourself somewhat because you know you look stupid having them as the center of your universe, or something to that effect, and yet you can’t stop, because you love doing stuff for them. It could be a family member, a very close friend, a corny puppy love — whoever it may be, you’ll find how much you get a kick out of making these little favors — sacrifices, even — just for them.

It’s not always necessarily the right thing to do, sometimes it reaches the point of being a guilty pleasure already, but yeah… there will always be that one person (or two, or three) that gives you a natural high just by knowing that in your own little way, you’ve definitely done something for them.

Most probably, my life would be a lot simpler. I’d go home right on the dot, scrimp on unnecessary expenses, and dote on you as the sole apple of my eye.

Even if you’re not here, I continue to breathe. I still smile. I laugh. I dream. But at the back of my mind, I know that if we were together, I’d be a lot happier, no matter how hard it is, even it it was just the two of us.

I miss you. You may not believe it, but it’s true. And today, even just for today, I’d love to believe that you miss me too. Will you let me feel your presence today?

<3

I’m not perfect the way you would like me to be, but I will try what I can to be a good daughter.

I love you, Mommy. Happy Mother’s Day! <3

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It’s been approximately two weeks since Chuck left to go back to his homeland. The first week, he was practically a wreck. Since his extended romance with Chuck was based on spontaneity and spur-of-the-moment decisions, getting back to his old structured life seemed to kill him. And not only that, the longing was there. He definitely missed Chuck big-time.

By the time the second week kicked off, we were relieved to see that Alex was almost back to his normal self. And by normal, I mean vocally, explicitly… horny. His basic dialogue:

I really need to get laid.

The other day, a teammate and I were on ciggie break outside with Alex. Across the street from where we were standing, there was a short line of construction workers who were also smoking.

Alex made doe eyes at them (to their backs, of course) and made some sleazy comment about those men being his calendar boys. One guy per day of the week, so to speak. Of course this had me and my teammate gawking at him.

Eventually the laughter died down and we started talking about more serious stuff. And then we noticed Alex scratching his arms. It seemed like he had developed some kind of rash. He pointed to other affected parts — the rashes were more obvious in his neck region.

“Baka naman surot,” I suggested. And then I really freaked out at how he reacted — it looked like he was turned on by the idea or something. And before I could stop myself, I blurted out:

Dude, you really need to get laid, pare.

Along with the heavy rain of white confetti, practically all ELFs were crying in unison. Including me.

Others might think the tribute was too much — he’s not dead, he’s just serving in the military, after all. To me though, the effects they used captured the essence perfectly. Kangin wasn’t with them physically, but he would always be with them in spirit, supporting the group in his own little way.

Kangin-ah, may the good Lord bless you always with good health, strong will, and good judgment. We’ll be standing on the edge of the earth, waiting for your return. <3

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video credits to ceedge132 @ YT

I don’t know which parent has passed off that dreaded gene to me. Normally when I sing at videoke parties and for kicks and oh, in the shower, I wouldn’t really say I have a golden voice but I can carry tunes fairly well. But for some reason, during formal occasions with strangers and friends less than a month old, the minute I open my mouth while holding a microphone, my voice instantly switches at least 2 octaves higher and I tend to improvise on lyrics. I might as well die on the spot. Ugh, I’m starting to get defensive. But, I digress.

This failure of all failures happened during Myrus’ joint birthday bash with Yuki Sakamoto of 1:43 last Sunday. The song I accidentally murdered was “Fuckin’ Perfect” by Pink. When I first heard this song over the radio about a week ago (yeah, I don’t listen to mainstream songs that much until recently when we started tuning in to RX 93.1 at work ), I knew it was the perfect song. Well, honestly speaking, I’m not so sure about the verses now that I’ve googled the entire song, but really, he was the first thing that came to mind when I heard the clean version’s refrain:

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, less than perfect

If I could turn back time, I’d sing it again for him with the correct lyrics (for the life of me, I can’t fathom why I sang “baby baby please” instead of “pretty pretty please”) and at the correct pitch. I won’t deny that I cringe with humiliation everytime I remember that moment, but at the same time, I’m kinda amazed that I can laugh about it good-naturedly too.

Seriously though, I really mean what I sang (or at least, what I’d meant to sing)~ I still maintain what I’ve said before; I can’t really believe it’s legal for someone to be such an amazing singer/composer. He makes me want to believe that there’s still a bright future for OPM.

With every performance of his that I get to watch, with every song I hear from him both on- and offstage, he never ceases to knock the wind out of me. He can hit those lofty notes without obvious effort nor difficulty, he puts poetic words to complete the most mellifluous melodies, he has great rhythm and moves when dancing too… is there even anything he can’t do?

Indeed, he is, to say the least, perfect. <3

I never thought I’d ever blog about him. The Boy Who Sends My Heart Into Frenzy. The Boy Who Lives In An Entirely Different World. The Boy Who Makes Me Fall In Love More And More With Him Everytime I See Him.

It started out as a little harmless flirting. And now, I’m starting to overstep my boundaries.

The slightest hint of a smile on his face is enough to make my heart melt. When he turns serious, panic sets in and I start to worry about what’s on his mind. When I see him sad, I want nothing more in the world than taking him into my arms and shielding him from the every negative force in this universe.

He’s just so precious that it makes me want to protect him. But I don’t know how to do it, definitely not in this lifetime, with the long stretch of differences that separates us.

Had I known it would come down to this, I would have made my exit when I had the chance. Now I’m in too deep. Is there really no turning back? Is there really no way out?

I don’t know how long this is going to last. One day I know I will get over this, read this entry, and laugh to myself like crazy. What the hell was I thinking back then?

But until then…

Sigh!